Hot Rod Lincoln—and Chupacabras

Here’s Asleep at the Wheel performing “Hot Rod Lincoln”:

I’ve always liked that song and, when I was composing some chupacabra-related doggerel, I decided the song would be a good inspiration. Here’s the result:

Have you heard chupacabras are out in the brush?
If they find a goat, they’ll come in a rush.
That story is true, I’m here to say,
And don’t you be saying there ain’t no way.

Not many has seen them and lived to tell.
They look like a creature come up from Hell,
But I has seen one, yessiree,
And I’m here to tell it, glory be.

I was home at my ranch way out away,
Resting my bones from a wearying day.
I’d tasted the squeezin’s to check they was good,
And washed out the dishes as best as I could.

It was late at night in the middle of June,
Was dark as a pit, ‘cause there weren’t no moon.
I heard a noise and checked it out.
Then I saw it; there weren’t no doubt.

A chupacabra was in my pen.
I drew a bead and that was when
He went and hid behind my truck,
So I couldn’t shoot my double-aught buck.

Now I bar the windows and lock the door.
A strong shot of whiskey is what I pour.
Them chupacabras has drove me to drinkin’,
‘Cause I can’t get ‘em out of my thinkin’.

They drove me to drinkin’ and squeezin’ more corn,
And stayin’ up listenin’, awaitin’ for morn.
I take me a nip and look for what moves,
And nip a bit more, ‘cause what’s there to lose?

Now Abraham Lincoln was known for the truth,
As sure as he was shot by Booth.
I swear it’s true on old Abe Lincoln;
Them chupacabras has drove me to drinkin’.

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